Entities mentioned:
- Dana White: Control, Power, Self-preservation
- UFC fighters: Self-preservation, Security, Pride
- UFC: Greed, Power, Control

Article Assessment:
Credibility Score: 65/100
Bias Rating: 55/100 (Center)
Sentiment Score: 30/100
Authoritarianism Risk: 70/100 (Authoritarian Tendencies)

Bias Analysis:
The article presents multiple viewpoints, including Dana White's perspective and the fighters' lawsuit. However, it leans slightly towards the fighters' side by mentioning the settlement and emphasizing the UFC's financial success.

Key metric: Income Inequality

Let me tell you something, folks - this story is a KNOCKOUT! We're seeing a championship-level power play by Dana White and the UFC, trying to keep their playbook under wraps. The fighters are in a defensive stance, guarding their wallets like it's the last round of a title fight. But make no mistake, this is a high-stakes game where the UFC is running up the scoreboard while the fighters are barely getting off the bench. It's fourth quarter, and the players are calling for a fair shake of the prize money, but the league commissioner is playing hardball. This isn't just a fight in the octagon, it's a battle for the very soul of the sport!

Entities mentioned:
- Brian Ortega: Determination, Professional pride, Duty
- Aljamain Sterling: Competitive spirit, Professional pride, Understanding
- UFC: Control, Competitive spirit, Professional pride

Article Assessment:
Credibility Score: 75/100
Bias Rating: 50/100 (Center)
Sentiment Score: 30/100
Authoritarianism Risk: 20/100 (Strongly Democratic)

Bias Analysis:
The article presents a balanced view of the situation, quoting Ortega directly and providing context. It doesn't lean towards defending or criticizing any particular party involved.

Key metric: Athlete Health and Safety

Let me tell you something - this is a GAME-CHANGING moment in the world of combat sports! Brian Ortega, a true warrior in the octagon, just revealed he was knocked out cold for 30 minutes trying to make weight. This isn't just a personal foul, folks - it's a MAJOR LEAGUE wake-up call for the entire UFC! We're talking about an athlete pushing his body to the absolute limit, going into overtime with his own physiology, and ending up in the medical tent before the opening bell even rings! This is the kind of fourth-quarter desperation move that could change the whole playbook on weight cutting. The UFC needs to step up to the plate and address this issue head-on before we see more fighters getting TKO'd by the scale instead of their opponents. It's time for a new game plan, because right now, these athletes are playing a dangerous game where the only winners are dehydration and potential organ failure. This is RIDICULOUS, and I'm telling you right now, if the league doesn't make some championship-caliber changes, we could see some career-ending injuries before these fighters even step into the ring!

Entities mentioned:
- Dana White: Ambition, Competitive spirit, Professional pride
- Donald Trump: Power, Recognition, Influence
- UFC: Competitive spirit, Recognition, Influence
- Jon Jones: Ambition, Recognition, Competitive spirit
- Conor McGregor: Ambition, Recognition, Competitive spirit

Article Assessment:
Credibility Score: 65/100
Bias Rating: 55/100 (Center)
Sentiment Score: 70/100
Authoritarianism Risk: 45/100 (Mixed/Neutral)

Bias Analysis:
The article presents information from credible sources like the Wall Street Journal and direct quotes from involved parties. However, it lacks critical analysis of the event's implications and doesn't present opposing viewpoints, slightly leaning towards a neutral-to-positive framing of the event.

Key metric: Public Opinion on Government-Sports Relationship

As a social scientist, I analyze that this unprecedented event of hosting a UFC fight at the White House significantly impacts public perception of the relationship between government and sports. The unconventional use of national landmarks and government buildings for a commercial sporting event blurs the lines between politics, entertainment, and sports. This could potentially influence public opinion on the appropriateness of such collaborations and the use of federal resources. The event's timing, coinciding with the nation's 250th birthday celebration, adds a layer of patriotic significance that may affect how it's received by the public. The involvement of high-profile athletes and the president himself in this event could also shape public discourse on the role of sports in national identity and politics.

Entities mentioned:
- Donald Trump: Power, Control, Influence
- The Onion: Curiosity, Enthusiasm, Recognition
- Stephen Miller: Power, Control, Influence
- National Guard: Duty, Security, Control
- UFC: Competitive spirit, Recognition, Ambition

Article Assessment:
Credibility Score: 30/100
Bias Rating: 35/100 (Lean Left)
Sentiment Score: 45/100
Authoritarianism Risk: 20/100 (Strongly Democratic)

Bias Analysis:
The article leans left, evident in its mockery of Trump and conservative figures like Stephen Miller. While fact-checking is attempted, the satirical nature and clear anti-Trump stance indicate a left-leaning bias.

Key metric: Public Perception of Crime and Safety

As a social scientist, I analyze that this satirical article uses humor to critique and fact-check President Trump's claims about crime rates. The piece highlights the exaggeration and inaccuracy in Trump's statements, potentially influencing public perception of crime statistics and the credibility of presidential communications. The satire may lead readers to question official statements and seek out verified crime data, potentially improving public understanding of actual crime trends. However, the humorous approach might also trivialize serious issues related to crime and public safety.